Todd Tjersland - Professional Zombie Wrangler!

New Interview Online!

2011-02-02T02:05:00.000-08:00

There's a brand-new 2011 interview with me about Midnight Movie Madness and my crazy career in horror now online at http://www.searchmytrash.com/articles/toddtjersland(1-11).shtml

MIDNIGHT MOVIE MADNESS

2010-03-26T04:36:00.000-07:00

At last! My new film, MIDNIGHT MOVIE MADNESS, is complete. This is my best film yet and the truest to my vision as a filmmaker.

"GRINDHOUSE meets TALES FROM THE CRYPT in this witch's brew of weird tales featuring beautiful girls, gore, and all your favorite monsters!"

You'll see Dracula, Frankenstein, The Werewolf, Zombies and more... IF your heart can stand the shock!

This is an anthology film like CREEPSHOW, infused with a classic retro-70s/80s flavor. It's designed to recreate the grindhouse/drive-in movie-going experience, complete with previews of coming attractions and snackbar intermissions. MIDNIGHT MOVIE MADNESS is the perfect late night party film for you and your friends. So brain-bending, hilarious and bizarre, it's guaranteed to blow your mind!

The official website should load up the trailer in about 30 seconds (longer if you're on dial-up), or you can watch it on YouTube. Hope you like it. Be sure to let me know what you think and leave a YouTube comment if you watch it there.

We are currently seeking worldwide distribution (no DVD release date set).

NEW HORROR MOVIE: First Word

2009-02-06T14:44:00.000-08:00

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!

Welcome to my first blog post of 2009. I have a new horror movie in the works this year!

It's an as-yet untitled anthology film that pays tribute to the fun, cheesy movies I grew up on in the 1970s and 1980s; kind of a crazy cross between CREEPSHOW and GRINDHOUSE with that twisted sense of humor I can't resist. Should be a great party movie, perfect for the Friday night beer and pizza crowd.

Best of all, the film is jam-packed with monsters: Aliens, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies and more! And did I mention the movie's got Smokin' Hot Naked Girls and Gore? There's a ton o' freakin' hot new babes and gruesome delights on display including not one but two--count 'em, two--Exploding Heads! Good stuff.

More details soon...

THE OUTBREAK - New Zombie Flash Game!

2008-11-08T17:20:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd mention that a Portland, OR filmmaker has created a live-action zombie movie flash game called THE OUTBREAK. It's basically a "choose your own adventure" kind of thing (if you remember those paperbacks from the 1980s). The movie plays for a bit until 1-3 choices pop up, then you pick one and get to see the result. If you don't die, the movie keeps going until you get another set of choices, etc.

While I enjoyed the game and the obvious amount of work that went into making it, I was constantly annoyed that the most logical decisions often led to me getting killed! The "correct" path seems awfully arbitrary, especially to a seasoned zombie movie fan like me...

If you want to try your luck, the game is online at www.survivetheoutbreak.com

Quarantine: Movie Review

2008-10-16T01:28:00.000-07:00

Just got back from seeing Quarantine, the American remake of the Spanish zombie film, [REC]. Enjoyed it! I must've jumped out of my seat at least 3-4 times and I'm pretty jaded when it comes to horror movies. Haven't seen [REC] yet but would recommend seeing Quarantine, even for full price at the theater.

I'm usually not a fan of the POV shakey-cam thing but they did a good job with it. As far as these kinds of POV movies go, Quarantine was a million times better than Cloverfield, Diary of the Dead and Blair Witch Project all put together. My main gripe is Jennifer Carpenter goes into hysterics for what feels like 20-30 minutes near the end and that got a little irritating. And I would have liked to see a bit more personality and maybe some dark humor injected into a few of the characters. There are no memorable lines in the film, like "When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth", or "They're dead; they're all messed-up." Contrary to other reviews, I didn't find the shakey-cam "bile-inducing" nor the film to be "too dark."

I'll definitely be renting [REC] when it comes out on DVD in the US!

My New Horror Movie!

2008-10-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

Hey Horror Fans,

I just wanted to toss out a teaser that my new horror anthology film is nearing completion. We're still working on a title, but I can tell you the film will feature Dracula, Frankenstein, Werewolves, Space Monsters, Cannibals, Psycho Killers, Rednecks, Ninjas, Strippers, Bad Girls with Guns, Explosions, and yes... za-za-za-ZOMBIES!!!

This is my best film yet and light years beyond anything I've done in the past, including THE NECRO FILES. It's a demented, tongue-in-cheek tribute to the "grindhouse" films of the 1970s-80s and the classic monsters we grew up on. Plus, the film is chock full o' gore and sexy naked women!

Since I bet you are most interested in the zombie content, here's the inside scoop on that: there are 4 separate zombie segments running from 7 to 17 minutes each. They all offer a different spin on the creature and 3 of the 4 segments feature hot naked zombie babes!

Website and trailer coming soon...

My One Year Blog-iversary!

2007-04-30T20:22:00.000-07:00

In April 2006, I began this blog to coincide with the 10-Year Anniversary of the first day of shooting The Necro Files and with the day I began writing Deathbreed: A Zombie Novel. It's one year later, and I can't believe all the wonderful things I've accomplished!

I've been profiled on TV's Sin Cities and completed my first novel. What does the next year hold for me? I am writing a screenplay for a new feature film I plan to produce and direct this summer that will be like nothing I've done before. Yes, it will be a horror film, and yes, it will have zombies in it! What else it will have in it must remain a secret... Stay tuned!

Deathbreed: A Zombie Novel - Review

2007-04-02T11:45:00.000-07:00

Check it out! There's a review for Deathbreed: A Zombie Novel up at The Zombie Review.

Here's an excerpt:

"Not only can Tjersland create a character, but also he can make you cringe with his incredibly descriptive scenes of gore, sex and violence. He really does have a way with words. ...This is pulp in its highest form and is HIGHLY recommended to any zombie fiction buff."

You can read a FREE preview and order the book from ZombieNovel.com

I'm on TV! Watch Sin Cities April 19, 2007

2007-03-31T11:50:00.000-07:00

Bravo UK will air a special, 30-minute episode of their #1 hit series Sin Cities on April 19, 2007. The entire episode is devoted to me and my wacky B-movies! This shows you the step-by-step, behind the scenes process of how we make our films, including interviews with me and my cast and crew.

This is the final season of Sin Cities and mine is the final episode--quite a send-off! The series will air in the UK, Canada, Australia, and other countries throughout the world, but sadly, not in the US. There is a FREE preview of my episode online (I'm the zombie, BTW). Check it out!

2007-02-22T18:31:00.000-08:00

Emmanuelle, Prisoner of Frankenstein

Combining science and magic in their heathen ways to slake the blood and sex lust of the Death's Head troops!

2007-02-22T18:26:00.000-08:00

Hollywood Vigilante: Grindhouse Trailer Entry

Hollywood: home to movie stars, glamour dolls and... Murder! Starring Ken Foree from Dawn of the Dead.

2007-02-22T18:20:00.000-08:00

Black Mantis - Grindhouse Entry

Jimmy takes his women like he takes his chocolate... Dark!

2007-02-22T18:18:00.000-08:00

Legal Tender - Grindhouse Trailer

Now a young girl lives the godless consequences of long-haired immorality!

2007-02-22T18:17:00.000-08:00

Maiden of Death

The axe-wielding angel of death!

2007-02-21T16:25:00.000-08:00

Necromaniacs

If they're coming, you're already dead!

2007-02-18T03:37:00.000-08:00

Cong of the Dead - Grindhouse Trailer

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to Vietnam...

2007-02-17T13:33:00.000-08:00

Hobo With a Shotgun

The most badass trailer I've seen in years!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: Now On Sale!

2007-01-15T02:36:00.000-08:00

At last the wait is over! Now on sale at ZombieNovel.com:

DEATHBREED: A ZOMBIE NOVEL
by Todd Tjersland, The Visionary Overlord of American Horror

The bodies of the recently dead are returning to life. They rise, hungry to kill, to destroy, to devour. No one is safe! With each new kill, their numbers grow. They are the DEATHBREED, an unstoppable army of flesh-eating zombie horror… Where can you run when they are everywhere? Who can you trust in a world gone mad? These are the challenges that confront the survivors. This is the terrifying story of the end of the world, told step by step, day by day. READ IT IF YOU DARE!

The demented debut novel from legendary cult filmmaker, TODD TJERSLAND (The Necro Files), DEATHBREED is pure zombie horror--served red, raw, and dripping--in the tradition of "Night Of The Living Dead." It is a brutal, unrelenting story of survival at any cost; a new underground classic that is at once familiar to zombie fans, yet offers a welcome twist...

If you thought all horror novels were the same, think again!

READ THE FREE PREVIEW ONLINE TODAY!

392 Fear-Filled Pages featuring Ghastly Cover Art by Isaac Cooper

Available in your choice of formats:
Standard 6x9 Trade Paperback (Perfectbound)
Autographed 6x9 Trade Paperback (Perfectbound)
Signed & Numbered Limited Edition 6x9 Hardcover (Casewrap)

INNER SANCTUM MYSTERIES

2007-01-09T14:06:00.000-08:00

INNER SANCTUM MYSTERIES
2-Disk, 6-Movie Box Set from Universal

As a fan of the old time radio show, Inner Sanctum, I'd been dying to see these films for years. This two-disk set does not disappoint! The prints and sound are fantastic, as are the films themselves. Lon Chaney and Evelyn Ankers are backed up by a solid supporting cast in each of the six films. Each film runs for an hour and change, so they move along at a good clip and never outstay their welcome, unlike some of the bloated "epics" clogging theaters these days.

Disk 1 is the best; all three films ("Calling Dr. Death," "Weird Woman," and "Dead Man's Eyes") are winners start to finish. "Weird Woman" is an adaptation of Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser creator Fritz Lieber's classic "Conjure Wife."

Disk 2 leads off with the excellent "The Frozen Ghost" (a precursor to "House of Wax"), but "Strange Confession," while good, and benefitting from a young Lloyd Bridges as Chaney's sidekick, takes half its run time to set up the plot, and "Pillow of Death" is a bit weak in the script department (though it will keep you guessing "whodunnit"), and Chaney takes awhile to show up, then disappears again for a bit before taking center stage.

Note that just like most episodes of the radio show, there is no supernatural horror here, despite some window dressing (witches, haunted houses); these are more like melodramatic, moralistic mystery/thrillers than horror films. A lot of the so-called "horror" from the 1930s-1940s, regardless of the media in which it was presented (film, fiction, radio), fit this bill, so that's not surprising to me, but might be to those unfamiliar with it...

You can find episodes of the long-running Inner Sanctum radio show online and I highly recommend picking some up and giving them a listen on some dark, lonely night at home or on the road. You might just get hooked!

Also, check out this taut 1948 Poverty Row version of Inner Sanctum (minus Lon Chaney). It's available from Alpha Video in a DVD bargain bin near you and is worth the $6.98 if you're into this sort of film.

2006: A Look Back

2006-12-31T23:59:00.000-08:00

Well, whaddya know... 2006 has turned out to be my most productive year ever!

I completed a major life goal to write a novel, Deathbreed, to be published January 16, 2007.

I was interviewed for a TV show that will be seen by millions of people worldwide when it airs in spring 2007, and not just briefly, but I'm getting an entire 30-minute episode devoted to me and my films!

Not too shabby for a year that started off in the crapper, LOL, and 2007 is shaping up to be even better and busier!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my friends and fans throughout the world!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: Official Release Date

2006-12-30T18:24:00.000-08:00

I just got an advance copy today of Deathbreed: A Zombie Novel today. OMG, what a gorgeous book! It's one thing to see something on the computer monitor or printed out at home, and quite another to see it professionally printed as a trade paperback--the literary equivalent to having my name up in lights on the silver screen. The cover art is unbelievable, the interior layout is crisp and easy to read, and it just makes me want to jump up and down and scream, "YES!!! I DID IT!!!"

Writing a novel has been a major goal of mine all my life--one it took me 36 years to realize, but damn, am I happy with the results!

The new promotional website supporting the novel kicks ass, too. It's done and will be uploaded in about a week.

Deathbreed: A Zombie Novel by Todd Tjersland, the Visionary Overlord of American Horror, releases in trade paperback and a signed and numbered limited edition hardcover January 16, 2007.

You can order it online and read samples at www.ZombieNovel.com

ZOMBIE NOVEL: Done!

2006-12-13T03:54:00.000-08:00

Deathbreed: A Zombie Novel (by yours truly) is now officially done after nine months and seven drafts. It is moving toward a January 2007 release date; the new website should be up shortly to promote it and, of course, I will be announcing it here on my blog and MySpace.

Included in the 388 page book as special bonus features are a preview of Deathbreed 2 and an interview with me.

The book is fantastic; what more can I say? It's sick stuff with fresh twists on zombies that will surprise and delight horror fans. It's definitely not for the squeamish!

SARS WARS: Bangkok Zombie Crisis

2006-12-13T03:50:00.000-08:00

Sars Wars: Bangkok Zombie Crisis is a ridiculous horror/comedy mess that still manages to entertain (but I was desperate for a zombie fix). Two martial arts heroes for hire go to rescue the kidnapped daughter of a shady businessman. The only problem is the highrise building she's being held in is cordoned off by government troops. This is to contain an outbreak of the deadly SARS-4 virus brought to Thailand by African mosquitos. The virus turns people and animals into flesh-eating zombies... Now our heroes must fight the kidnapper gang and the zombies!

The plot seems to be influenced by a combination of Demons 2 (zombies in a highrise) and Peter Jackson's Brain Dead (animal causes zombie plague). The lead zombies look like vampires from Buffy (with inexplicable nose and forehead ridges) and their teeth turn into fangs (sometimes all of them, sometimes just their canines). One character even comments, "His face looks just like a piranha!"

The film starts to drag about an hour in and little of it makes any sense, nor is there any consistency in the logic of the zombies (sometimes fast, sometimes slow). The action and horror always take a backseat to the (mostly) lame jokes, but this is still a million times better than any of that Scary Movie crapola by the Wayans Bros. There's even some Kill Bill style anime scenes thrown in for good measure.

Sars Wars is worth a rental if you're a zombie fan, just don't expect too much beyond mindless gore, kung-fu, and bad jokes.

SEVERED: Forest of the Dead

2006-12-13T03:45:00.000-08:00

SEVERED: FOREST OF THE DEAD (2004, Canada)
Just saw Severed and thought it was a pretty good zombie movie, despite its heavy-handed, tree-hugging hippy message. An evil logging company creates a fungus to speed up tree growth but the fungus turns humans into flesh-eating zombies. Loggers and scummy hippies are forced to band together to survive.

Essentially, this is a clone of 28 Days Later and the Dawn of the Dead remake. It's written and shot to look like them, with shaky camerawork and fast zombies. The gore is plentiful and good, as is the zombie makeup. The plot, characters, and script are all two-dimensional and utterly forgettable--it feels a lot like a Resident Evil game only without the stupid puzzles. I was wishing most of the characters would hurry up and get eaten as soon as I saw them.

What makes the film unique are the hauntingly beautiful wilderness locations; the misty Canadian forest and logging camps lend an eerie, isolated atmosphere that serve the film well. The filmmakers really did a fantastic job at bringing their locations to life--especially the aerial shots. The (non)ending may frustrate some viewers, but it didn't bother me. It seemed fitting (and set it up for a sequel). Bear in mind that many zombie movies end ambiguously like that, with characters left to an uncertain fate, and you can thank the original Dawn of the Dead for that:

Peter: "How much fuel we got?"

Fran: "Not much."

Peter: "Okay."

(cue helicopter flying off into the sunset)

What I'm saying is you could do a LOT worse than Severed if you're looking to get your zombie movie fix. I give it three out of five stars--a good rental for a rainy night.

Great Noir Westerns

2006-12-04T16:12:00.000-08:00

I've never been a big fan of the western genre except for the Clint Eastwoods and a handful of spaghetti westerns like the Django and Sabato series. Recently, I've come across several really great westerns that are dark, gritty, and oh-so-noir-ish. Mannaja: A Man Called Blade directed by Sergio Martino (Horror Express), Winchester '73 directed by Anthony Mann (Raw Deal), and McCabe & Mrs. Miller directed by Robert Altman (M*A*S*H).

In particular, the latter is an excellent and realistic depiction of frontier life in the 1880s. A gambler (Warren Beatty) opens up a whorehouse in a mining town and brings in a seasoned madam to run it (Julie Christie). When their operation becomes too successful, it attracts the attention of the mining company who offers to buy them out... or else! Reminds me of a David Goodis novel as the protagonist, McCabe, is weak and flawed but likable. You want him to win, to overcome his inner demons and become a hero even though the odds are very much against him... I won't spoil anything by giving away the ending. It also reminds me a bit of the protagonist, Jimmy, in my zombie novel, Deathbreed.

Even though I love horror movies, the older I get, the more I find I like to explore different genres. I've already seen just about every horror movie (foreign and domestic) that I care to see and I don't see too many worthy new ones being released. I can't just watch the same stuff over and over. The lack of quality new releases forced me to check out all kinds of other stuff over the past decade... and I've been pleasantly surprised! I think exposing myself to so many different genres and influences has been invaluable in making me a better writer and filmmaker.

Anyway if you're looking for something dark but not full of zombies, vampires, or axe-wielding maniacs, do yourself a favor and see what else the world has to offer. Chances are you'll be glad you did!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 6th Draft Done!

2006-11-29T22:31:00.000-08:00

Huzzah! After two solid weeks of agonizing but rewarding work going through the book line by line, I've just completed the 6th Draft of Deathbreed: A Zombie Novel. It clocks in at 376 typeset pages (157,000 words). What a great feeling of relief and accomplishment!

Work progresses on the book's website and I'm confident we'll meet the January 2007 release date.

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 6th Draft Climax!

2006-11-28T17:54:00.000-08:00

Took Sunday off to shoot Emma Steel #4 and spent Monday in recovery... I was up until 7am, got up at 3:30 pm, and couldn't shake a massive migraine so I took some aspirin and went back to bed around 8pm. Woke up at midnight--headache still present--and slogged through Chapter 26 of Deathbreed. Was able to insert a quick little scene I hadn't considered in earlier drafts. The extra scene not only made perfect sense but it could be seamlessly inserted.

Goddamn migraine messed me up most of the night but I managed to get over it and now Chapter 27--one of the nastiest in the entire novel--is done. Only 38 pages left to go...

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 6th Draft Almost Done!

2006-11-26T02:47:00.000-08:00

Some more website and film production issues popped up Saturday but I managed to deal with them and get four more chapters of Deathbreed revised.

I'm very near the end of the book! Just completed Chapter 25, which wraps up on page 313, a nice barricade scene. So far, I've managed to trim eight pages out of the book even after adding the revisions in. Only five chapters and an epilogue left to go--another 67 pages and the 6th (and hopefully final) draft is done!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 6th Draft Nearing Completion

2006-11-24T23:58:00.000-08:00

Spent Thanksgiving eating frozen eggrolls and working on my zombie novel. Today I took the afternoon off to work on the next Emma Steel screenplay (deadline fast approaching) and to discuss some issues regarding the redesign of the new ZombieNovel.com site with my web designer.

Chapters 1-21 of the 6th draft of Deathbreed are now finished. Chapter 21 is a personal favorite of mine. It's also a bit of an homage to the infamous "Trash the Nude Zombie" scene in Return of the Living Dead.

Chapter 21 closes the first two-thirds of the book, paving the way for the rip-roaring final 110 pages as things go from bad to crazy to impossible for our merry band of survivors. This is where we really get some dynamite zombie action and human drama, not that there hasn't been enough already! LOL

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 6th Draft Update

2006-11-21T15:26:00.000-08:00

As promised, here's an update on my zombie novel, Deathbreed.
I pulled an all-nighter the past two days and really kicked ass on it. Chapter 15 is done so I'm over halfway through the 6th draft (a little over 200 pages in). I'm striving to get it all done by this weekend but the arrival of my Alias: Season 5 DVDs may upset those plans... Plus I have to find time to knock out an Emma Steel screenplay for Episode #4!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 6th Draft Begins

2006-11-15T00:43:00.000-08:00

Well it looks like I spoke too soon and there will be a 6th draft of my novel after all. I began it Monday and am 85 pages in. I spent 10 hours on it Monday and 6 more Tuesday. I expect to conclude it by next Monday. Also, my editor's back onboard--hopefully that works out. She's going to pick up her edit on the 5th draft from where she left off in the 3rd (Chapter 28), then start over from the beginning on the 6th draft... So there may be a 7th draft depending on what she finds.

I don't anticipate any of this causing a delay in the book's release but it might push it into January 2007. I'm still trying to get the trailer and website done as well so those are major contributing factors to any possible delay. Believe me, if I could snap my fingers and have everything ready, I would. I want Deathbreed to be the best possible book it can be and so I'm really pushing hard to make that happen. More news later in the week as the 6th draft continues. Hang in there!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 5th Draft Complete!

2006-11-09T22:32:00.000-08:00

The 5th Draft of my zombie novel, Deathbreed, is done! It clocks in at 388 typeset pages (156,000 words). I'm really happy with it! Barring any last minute changes, I think the 5th Draft will be the final one. This brings the grueling, seven month process of writing my first novel to a close.

Would I change anything? Not really as far as the actual story goes--that's solid gold as far as I'm concerned. I know I could have written it faster (despite taking time off to write and produce a bunch of films and do a TV show!) but I don't think I could have written it any better. I poured everything I had into this novel and it's hard letting go. It's kind of like when I'm making a film and riding that production high. I want to stay in production forever because it feels so good to be making shit happen, to be surrounded by my cast and crew--CREATING! It makes me feel alive! Coming down from that production high is always a bummer. Writing is the same way. I've spent seven months inside the heads of these characters, watching them, guiding them. We've shared a lot of good times together but now it's time to release them into the world and let them sink or swim on their own. Hopefully, the reviews are kind, LOL, but you know what? I wrote this book for ME. If other people like it, great--if they don't then screw 'em. Based on reviews of everything else I've ever done, pepole either love or hate my work. They either "get it" or they don't. I'm sure Deathbreed will be no exception! Let me just say that if you loved my offbeat, politically incorrect films The Necro Files and Faces of Gore, you will love this novel. There's nothing else like it!

As for my next novel, I've got some extremely innovative ideas for a sequel to Deathbreed kicking around but I have a dark fantasy novel I'm dying to do as well. A buddy of mine is trying to get me to (ghost)write for a long-running men's adventure series so that's something I might take on just for the fun of it. I think I'm going to take a little time off before I write any more novels--just to catch my breath and reflect on everything I've accomplished this past year: 13 screenplays, 12 feature films, a major television show, and completing my first novel. This is probably my busiest, most creative year so far! If 2006 is any indication, I can't wait to see what wonders 2007 has in store for my career!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 5th Draft Nearly Done!

2006-11-08T20:14:00.000-08:00

I'm up to Chapter 25, page 314, of the DEATHBREED 5th draft now. I've significantly beefed up the zombie action in the preceding chapters because you can never have too much of that! LOL

Only 5 chapters and the epilogue left to revise (about 70 pages) and then this draft is done!

Woohoo! Rock on bitches!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 5th Draft Update

2006-11-06T04:34:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update to let you know where I'm at with the book. I'm on Chapter 19, page 244, of the 5th Draft of DEATHBREED. That's over halfway through!

Had to divert my attention Sunday night to write the upcoming new website for the novel. I also designed a free 13 page PDF preview for my book which I plan to release shortly...

Zombie Novel Update: 5th Draft

2006-11-05T01:08:00.000-08:00

DEATHBREED: A Zombie Novel is currently undergoing its Fifth Draft. The editor got grossed out and quit on me, leaving me hanging for a month--didn't even bother to tell me she quit, LOL. I was so busy with production of my zombie anthology, TRUE NECROMANCE, that I didn't really notice anything was wrong until this past week. That really sucks because she was only 40 pages away from finishing her edit of the Fourth Draft...

I'm engaging a new editor and just plowing ahead with the book's Fifth Draft, which is nearly done after going full tilt on it this past week. I'm trying to add in some extra zombie action where appropriate--can't have too much of that, eh?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

2006-10-31T05:34:00.000-08:00

Happy Halloween to all my friends, fans and fellow fiends from around the world!

TRUE NECROMANCE: My New Zombie Movie!

2006-10-29T22:52:00.000-08:00

I just got back from shooting a NEW horror anthology film, TRUE NECROMANCE, in which I star as the lead zombie! It reunites the core cast of my NECRO FILES series with first-time British director Ashley Hames, the host of Sin Cities, Man’s Work, and B-Movie Classics.

The film includes three stories by three different directors tied together by the central themes of love, sex and death... A faithless wife and her lovers are stalked by the flesh-eating corpse of her jealous husband! A lonely nerd becomes possessed by the ghost of a satanic centerfold! Bank robbers try to bury their ill-gotten gains only to dig up a sexy vampire!

The zombie story will air on Sin Cities: Season 4. This will be seen on the Bravo UK Television Network and in syndicated countries throughout the world. The exact air date is unknown at this time but, according to the series producer, it should be sometime in March/April 2007. In addition, the entire 30 minute episode is devoted to me and my films! It will be seen by millions of people around the world.

Sin Cities is the #1 rated late night program on Bravo UK and follows host Ashley Hames as he journeys from city to city seeing what kind of weird, sexy fun people are up to. In 2003, I had a long segment on the show devoted to me and my films during production of NECRO FILES 2: LUST NEVER DIES.

TOP SECRET NEW ZOMBIE PROJECT!

2006-10-25T12:59:00.000-07:00

ATTENTION ZOMBIE FANS!

Prepare for a MAJOR MEDIA ANNOUNCEMENT regarding me, my films, and a "top secret" new zombie movie project that will be seen by millions of people around the world! Is this the big break I've been waiting for? Stay tuned to this blog to find out!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: Still Lurching Forward

2006-09-29T01:36:00.000-07:00

DEATHBREED: a Zombie Novel, 4th Draft, Chapter 27 done. Word Count: 153,000. Waiting on pages from my editor before I can continue...

Revisions to chapter 27 include major changes to two pivotal scenes that were great before but truly "kick ass" now! This is some sick stuff! I'd say more but I don't want to hand out any spoilers. You can thank me later, LOL.

Model, Actress Advice

2006-09-26T20:29:00.000-07:00

I can't figure out why so many pretty girls post ugly pictures of themselves. Not just newbies but experienced models make this mistake all the time on Myspace, Sexyjobs and OMP. Just because a photo is new doesn't mean it's good!!! Do you want people to hire you or not? The decision to look at your profile/portfolio is based almost entirely off the main/default profile picture. If that's not you at your best--chances are you just lost the job because whoever's looking won't be bothered to click your profile to see more.

Always use a sexy, provocative headshot for your main profile/default pic--especially since it will be shrunk down to tiny size for Myspace, OMP, Sexyjobs and other browsers. A full body shot will almost certainly lose too much detail to be truly effective. And if you don't show your face--forget it! You're either a model/actress or you're not. You can't have it both ways.

Your portfolio should include a variety of looks and poses to show your range. Failing to do so typecasts you at your financial peril. "Oh, she's only good for Goth/horror--too bad, I could have used her for this shoot."

One final pet peeve: Tattoos and piercings will cost you more jobs than you'll ever know. They limit your range and hurt your career. In Seattle, this is a huge problem. The first thing I want to know when casting girls for my movies is "She doesn't have any tattoos and piercings, does she?" Let's face it--you can't play "the girl next door" if you're covered in ink with metal bits sticking out of weird places.

PS: Please be upfront if your boobs are real or not. This makes a huge difference if you are doing nude work. If you do get implants, keep them in proportion to the rest of your body or you'll look completely unnatural--don't go bigger just because it's "only" a few more dollars.

ZOMBIE NOVEL: Shambling Forward

2006-09-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

The 4th Draft of DEATHBREED: A Zombie Novel continues to shamble forward. Chapters 1-26 (out of 30 + epilogue) are complete but now I'm waiting on pages from my editor before I can move forward. The novel is incredible and keeps getting better with each draft. Once this 4th Draft is complete, I anticipate a quick polish and then it will finally be done... Hopefully before the end of the year--trust me, it will be worth the wait!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 4th Draft Nearing Completion

2006-08-31T16:16:00.000-07:00

I've completed chapters 1-21 of the 4th Draft of DEATHBREED: A Zombie Novel. The book has 30 chapters plus an epilogue so I'm nearing the end! Word Count: 149,000. I anticipate it being roughly 400 pages long when published.

Will there be a 5th Draft? Yes, but the changes are becoming so minor that it should be a snap to zip through. My only real concern, edit-wise, is the new material that's been added in the 4th draft--some of which will undoubtedly be cut or tweaked.

There comes a time in every project where even a perfectionist has to say "It's done and is as close to perfect as it will ever be." I'm reminded of the old saying, "Art is never finished, only abandoned." The trick is knowing when to release it and move on to the next project!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 4th Draft Past Halfway Mark!

2006-08-26T01:14:00.000-07:00

I'm pleased to report that the 4th draft of DEATHBREED: A Zombie Novel is now past the halfway mark! I have completed chapters 1-17 out of 30 (+ Epilogue). The word count currently sits at 147,000--over 10,000 words longer than the 3rd Draft!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: COVER ART PREVIEW!

2006-08-07T23:34:00.000-07:00

DEATHBREED Cover Art Sneak Preview! Click the link to check out the official ZombieNovel.com messageboard and see the promo wallpapers.

I'm still working on the 4th Draft of the novel.

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 4th Draft Continues

2006-07-30T23:29:00.000-07:00

Deathbreed: A Zombie Novel
Chapters 1-11 completed! That's 142,000 words (roughly 370 pages). Who knew I was writing an epic, LOL? Doubtless the word/page count will continue to climb, as there are still 19 chapters left to revise... It seems like I'm adding at least a couple pages to every chapter between drafts!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 4th Draft Update

2006-07-25T15:53:00.000-07:00

The 4th Draft of my zombie novel, Deathbreed, continues...

Chapters 1-8 out of 30 (plus prologue and epilogue) revised after pulling an all-nighter. Lot of little details to tidy up, plus added about 10 pages worth of new content to existing scenes between the 2nd and 4th draft so far, including the prologue and a new epilogue (ending). The novel is currently over "350 pages" (approx. 135,000 words) and getting better everyday!

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, the 4th Draft incorporates advance reader feedback.

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 4th Draft Underway

2006-07-24T16:22:00.000-07:00

Got the first batch of notes back from those who read the 2nd draft; they loved it and had no major changes, just a lot of little things, some nitpicky, some not. Going through Deathbreed's 3rd Draft now with a fine-tooth comb based on their feedback. That means the 4th Draft has begun...

I'll do a 5th Draft, just to be safe, and incorporate 3rd and 4th draft reader feedback. Hopefully, I won't need to do a 6th Draft, as I'd like to get moving on other issues, like the book's release, lol, and starting another novel. Hang in there--the end is in sight!

SEXY ZOMBIE CAR WASH

2006-07-23T15:14:00.000-07:00

Zombieduck Films did a kick-ass music video for Naked Ape's Fashion Freak song, featuring the band getting a car wash by sexy female zombies, including an undead "Paris Hilton" type!

Check it out. Catchy song, sexy zombies!

Arrh, Mateys! Here be Pirates to shiver yer timbers!

2006-07-22T01:13:00.000-07:00

The Black Swan was just released on DVD last week in a beautiful restored version. It stars Laird Cregar (the creepy cop from I Wake Up Screaming) as Captain Henry Morgan (yes, he's got a little captain in him!). Great TECHNICOLOR film about the last days of the pirates. Also stars Tyrone Power and Maureen O'Hara in a sizzling romance with crackling dialogue.

The Master of Ballantrae is another of my faves and one you don't hear about very much. A Scottish lord stands accused of betraying the English crown and takes to the high seas...

I think my favorite pirate movie is still The Sea Hawk, though. Or was it Captain Blood?

The Libertine: Film Review

2006-07-21T22:31:00.000-07:00

What a thoroughly boring and pretentious piece of drek The Libertine was, squandering a great cast and 120 minutes of a Friday night. Although, there are a few choice pieces of dialogue any creative type would do well to remember, such as:

"You must acquire the trick of ignoring those who do not like you. In my experience, they fall into two camps: the stupid and the envious. The stupid will like you in five years time--the envious, never."
--Johnny Depp, The Libertine

I'm a sucker for period piece costume dramas, from ancient Rome to knights to swashbucklers, but The Libertine just did not deliver the goods. 'Twas done in by a bad script, bad lighting, bad direction, bad editing, even laugh-inducing syphilis make-up... So much potential squandered. Such a pity! I liked Quills much better.

ZOMBIE NOVEL: Third Draft Complete!

2006-07-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

After pulling an all day and all-nighter (and part of the day before), I'm pleased to say the Third Draft of DEATHBREED is now complete, and the novel is finally ready to test-read by unsuspecting victims... I anticipate one more polish (an unheard of for me Fourth Draft) based on reader feedback, then I can call the text done and start pestering the graphic artist for the cover and promo art...

ZOMBIE NOVEL: Third Draft Underway

2006-07-19T05:05:00.000-07:00

Third Draft of DEATHBREED underway... A quick polish, adding in a few extra bits here and there, punching up chapter endings, spellchecking, etc. Should be done very shortly...

ZOMBIE NOVEL: Second Draft Complete!

2006-07-17T20:17:00.000-07:00

Just finished the Second Draft of DEATHBREED! Woohoo! Rock on! It's 336 pages, laid out in 11 pt. Garamond as a 9x6 perfect bound (trade paperback/softcover). Or, if you prefer, 128,288 words.

ZOMBIE NOVEL: Promo Art Photoshoot

2006-07-14T04:41:00.000-07:00

Went to a photoshoot for the DEATHBREED promotional art tonight. Did the zombie make-up myself and played one of several undead present.

Here's a sample (untouched) pic of me as a zombie... Scary, huh? Now I just turn them over to the graphic artist and he makes the magic happen in Photoshop...

ZOMBIE NOVEL: Second Draft Update

2006-07-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

Still kicking ass on the DEATHBREED Second Draft...

I've reworked the ending a bit while essentially keeping it intact. But it's much more powerful now and manages to wrap up a few loose ends. Maybe I'll offer multiple endings online or something, LOL.

Spent some time laying it out--just to see what it would look like in a possible final, published form. 316 pages (125,188 words at the moment); that's as a 9x6 Perfect Bound Softcover, in 11 pt. Garamond type (and growing, as the Second Draft continues).

I expect the Second Draft to be finalized over the weekend...

ZOMBIE NOVEL: Second Draft Underway

2006-07-06T23:47:00.000-07:00

Now begins the long and painful editing process of DEATHBREED... The dreaded Second Draft! The good news is, going back and rereading the early chapters was not the nail-biting "is it any good?" experience I was worried about. There's definitely a novel here, and a damn good one, IMO. Not that it doesn't need polishing... A little trim here, a little added there, but overall, it is kicking ass. I love it and believe in it, and that's what's most important. Hopefully, my fans and the public will embrace it as well--though the book is so delightfully, unrelentingly vicious I don't expect much mainstream appeal. Which is fine. I create my art first and foremost for myself; if others dig it, even better. If not, well--screw 'em. You can't please everyone!

THE MATADOR (2005): Movie review

2006-07-06T23:22:00.000-07:00

Wow! The Matador is Pierce Brosnan's best performance ever and one of the finest black comedies in years! If you like quirky, sleazy, dark comedies where the humor arises naturally from the characters and their situations, this film is for you.

Pierce Brosnan plays burned-out international assassin Julian Noble, a complete sociopath with no friends, who kills the pain inside with liquor and sex. One night in between jobs, he runs into salesman Greg Kinnear, and the two strike up an unlikely friendship...

It's hilarious watching the lonely, friendless assassin struggle to actually engage a normal person in friendly conversation, because he has to overcome years of training to avoid relationships as well as his own personal demons and sociopathic tendencies. He's not a nice guy by any stretch of the imagination (although he might be as far as cold, ruthless assassins go). Pierce plays this character perfectly; we get a two-dimensional, flawed but charming person who just happens to kill people for a living. It was superbly realistic; exactly how I imagine one of these people might be in real life. Charming, yes; likable, sure; but not particularly sympathetic. He is a manipulative, lying murderer, but that doesn't mean you can't hang out and have fun with him. Certainly, it's a pleasure to watch!

The film starts with a bang (literally) and plays well for the first hour but bogs down [i]just a little bit[/i] after that (I don't want to hand out any spoilers), before picking up again for the climax. I was laughing out loud, cringing in delight, and trying to second-guess what was going to happen next the whole time. This is definitely worth a rental or even owning--and I hardly ever buy any DVDs anymore.

ZOMBIE NOVEL: DONE!

2006-07-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

Rock on! I just finished the first draft of DEATHBREED: A Zombie Novel at 8 o' clock PST tonight. Clocking in at 124,694 words, it's just under the 125,000 max I was shooting for! YAY!!! I did it!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 120,000 Words - Nearly Done!

2006-07-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, I stayed up all night and am almost done with my novel Deathbreed; the current word count is a whopping 120,000 words and there's just a little ways left to go... 5-10,000 words or so with a quickie epilogue.

Then begins the merry game of going in and editing the damn thing... the infamous Second Draft! Aw, fudge it. I'm not even gonna think about that right now. I got a reason to celebrate!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 110,000 Words And Counting!

2006-07-02T04:13:00.000-07:00

I had a major brainstorming session tonight and fleshed out what I think is going to be the ending of my novel (thanks to everyone who voted in the poll on my messageboard!), as well as several other major issues between the characters that needed to be resolved before I could continue. Then I spent the past couple hours pushing forward, resulting in another major scene getting done. I'm at 110,000 words now... Every word gets me one step closer to done!

ZOMBIE NOVEL UPDATE: Almost Done!

2006-06-30T12:20:00.000-07:00

DEATHBREED: A Zombie Novel sits at just over 107,000 words and the end is so close I can taste it! I expect to get another major cram session in over the weekend--with any luck, I might even finish the damn thing.

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 100,000 Words And Beyond!

2006-06-23T05:20:00.000-07:00

Deathbreed: A Zombie Novel has now gone beyond the 100,000 word mark!!! No; it's still not done, but it is getting close. 100k is about 350 pages when published. It's taken me 41 days to get this far--not bad considering all the days (weeks) I took off, either to work on other projects or to recharge my creative batteries...

Looking back, I got around 25,000 words done in the mid-late April, then I was up to 57,000 words by the end of May, then in June, I went from 65,000 words on June 2nd to almost 101,000 as I write this blog entry, June 23rd. To think I was worried about ever reaching 90,000 words when I started!

Woohoo! We're in the home stretch to completing the first draft now, gang! Just a little longer...

ZombieNovel.Com

2006-06-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

Check out my new messageboards at ZombieNovel.Com.

ZOMBIE NOVEL: What's In A Name?

2006-06-18T00:44:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official... After much deliberation, I've finally brainstormed up a title for my novel! It's now called DEATHBREED: A ZOMBIE NOVEL. I had wanted to work the words "dead," "living dead" or "zombie(s)" in there somewhere, but in the end, opted for something more original. About the only one that works in a title these days without sounding cheesy is just plain old "dead," but that's not as specific as "zombie" and I want fans to immediately know that this is a zombie novel. "Living Dead" could mean "vampires" or some other form of undead, so that's another reason why I ruled that out.

To get around the issue of not having the word "zombie" in my title, I take a cue from several other authors, by adding "A Zombie Novel" as the subtitle. For the book's main title, I wanted something short and sweet, and DEATHBREED fits that bill nicely. Zombies are bred from death, and create death in their wake (that's how they reproduce), so it's a clever name, even if maybe it does sound a bit like a heavy metal band, LOL. I've gone back through all my old blog posts and edited them to reflect the new title.

For more information on my novel and other projects, as well as to chat with me and horror fans from around the world about whatever floats your boat, you can visit my official messageboard at either ZombieNovel.Com or DeathbreedNovel.Com.

Thanks for your support and I hope to see you there!

P.S.: I'm still at 95,000 words on my novel--creating and maintaining the messageboard community has eaten up much of the past week but I think it has been worth it. The boards are a work in progress, so if anyone wants to create banners, skins, websites or other design elements for me, that would be great!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 95,000 Words

2006-06-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

After taking a few days off to clear my head and catch up on my film noir DVD rentals, I've finally got the first draft of DEATHBREED up to the 95,000 word mark... Still toying with several ideas about how the last act will play out. Decisions, decisions...

CANNIBAL FLESH RIOT

2006-06-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

Here's a weird new indie movie that looks interesting: CANNIBAL FLESH RIOT! Redneck gravedigging ghouls...

ZOMBIE NOVEL: How Does It End?

2006-06-11T01:25:00.000-07:00

After a brief nap and watching reruns of The Dukes of Hazzard eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in my underwear, I got back to work and started wondering...

So, zombie fans--How should my novel, DEATHBREED, end?

A) Everyone gets eaten! (like in Burial Ground)

B) Everyone cool lives, but just barely, ala Day of the Dead.

C) At least one person survives, but faces an uncertain fate, ala the original Dawn of the Dead.

D) Most people survive and face an uncertain fate, setting the book up for an obvious sequel and pissing everyone who reads it off because there's no resolution...

E) It was all a dream! (like in Nightmare City)

If you do vote, I'd appreciate knowing why you picked the ending you did. It will definitely help me in my decision. Thanks!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 90,000 Words Reached!

2006-06-11T00:38:00.000-07:00

Holy frickin' frijoles! It seems like yesterday when I started on my zombie novel, DEATHBREED (although I think it was actually April 13, if my backdated calendar is to be believed). I'd thought then that the first draft would need to be 90,000 words in length (approximately 350 pages in its final, printed form). I remember thinking, "I'll never make it." Yet I did and am still not done, although I've just now entered the final act. Another 30,000 words to go and it should be done... The first draft, anyway! Then it's time to go over it again and again, as many times as it takes to get to the final polish--that moment of moments when I can lean back and say, "Goddamn! This shit kicks ass and it can't kick no more!"

I know first novels are supposed to suck, LOL, but I got my fingers crossed anyway. I'm betting my prior experience as a screenwriter and author of short fiction/non-fiction will mitigate the mistakes a lot of new authors make. I didn't exactly fall off the turnip truck, you know! Maybe first novels are only supposed to suck in comparison to your later novels, when you've perfected your voice and honed your craft to a fine, razor's edge.

I know for a fact there's a ton of good stuff in my novel; the trick is in the editing to make sure everything shines through. I can live with a few mistakes, but I won't let the novel out of my hands until it's as perfect as I can make it. I recognize perfection as being an impossible goal, but am not naive enough to think that all my prose comes out golden on the first try, hence the phrase "as perfect as I can make it." Kind of like shooting a movie. Rarely do you get what you want on the first take! So too it is with a first draft. But I'm in the homestretch now, racing toward the finish line, full speed ahead... What a glorious ride it is!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 80,000 Words And Counting

2006-06-06T07:45:00.000-07:00

Another major push forward on my Zombie Novel tonight, to the 80,000 word mark! I was up all night, furiously pounding away at the keyboard. I now realize the "epic" first draft is going to be more like 100-125,000 words than 90k. Well, dem's da breaks, as they say in showbiz. But this is a good thing, despite the extra time it's going to take to complete it. Anything worth doing is worth doing right...

It's always better, in my opinion, to overwrite than underwrite; I'd hate to have to go back in and try to pad it out with crap if I couldn't meet my 90k target, but happily, it seems that won't be the case with my first novel.

Ha! Padding... Reminds me of some jerks trying to pad out their movies run time with 10 minutes worth of credits, LOL. Not that I haven't been guilty of that myself, mind you, but I always hate doing it. Unfortunately, the industry (and audiences) have certain expectations of how long a film should be (85-90 minutes minimum).

The great artiste in me says a film (or a book) should be not one frame (or word) longer than it needs to be in order to tell its story effectively.

The businessman in me realizes the reality that something too short won't sell--either at all, or not nearly in the same numbers. So, certain compromises must be made.

On the other hand, 9 times out of 10, you don't want your masterpiece to be too long, either. In most cases, there's no reason for it to be, except to be pretentious and to justify charging extra. Really, what many of these spawling "sagas" need is a good editor to start chopping them down to a more manageable size (but not anymore than is needed for them to be "perfect")... unless they are one of the truly great ones that demand the extra run time or pages (Dawn of the Dead, A Game of Thrones, etc.). Something so freakin' spectacular you never want it to end!

I think I've got something pretty special in my first novel, but I'm not gonna kid myself and say everything I write is golden, just like when I direct a film I'm never happy with every shot. It's all in the editing... Speaking of editing, I'm gonna need an impartial pair of eyes (in other words, an editor) for my novel, LOL. I suspect the first draft will be done in just a few more weeks.

ENERGY DRINKS: Best And Worst List

2006-06-05T03:01:00.000-07:00

As a filmmaker and author who keeps odd hours, I often find I'm in need of "instant energy." I hate coffee. I hate vitamin pills. What's left that's legal? Energy Drinks! My beverage of choice for waking up early or burning the midnight oil.

But not all energy drinks are created equal. Some taste good, but lack important herbs and vitamins (the stuff besides caffeine that keeps you up). Some taste bad, so who cares what's in it? I'm not gonna drink something that tastes like crap, no matter how many vitamins they cram in it.

Here then, compiled at last from my extensive years of taste-testing just about every brand ever marketed in the western USA. Not all brands are available in all sizes. For short-term boosts that won't keep me awake all night, I prefer 8 oz. cans. However, I usually go with 16 oz. cans; one can lasts me all day.

The curious thing about energy drinks is they take forever to go flat when you leave them out at room temperature, but if you refrigerate opened cans they go flat fast. This is a serious problem with 16 oz. cans, which claim to contain "two servings" yet have no resealable lid, so you're forced to either drink second servings warm or try and time them in the freezer (about 20 minutes will do), which is inconvenient.

As to 24 oz. cans, I tried them only once and got so damn jittery I said, "Never again!" Therefore, I don't recommend them, and certainly don't drink them all at once.

My personal preference is for lots of Vitamin B6 and B12 and NO high fructose corn syrup. Regular Red Bull, Monster and the various "Diet" or Sugar-Free Energy Drinks are, to the best of my knowledge, the only ones not to have high fructose corn syrup. Check the labels.

BEST TASTING ENERGY DRINKS
(As always, check the can's label for "nutrition facts")
#1 SOBE ADRENALINE (pleasant, fizzy peach, tasty)
#2 BERRY FLAVOR WIRED (fruity, fizzy, tasty)
#3 PHUNKY FRUIT PUNCH SUGAR-FREE PIRAHNA (with Splenda)
( Note that Piranha has only caffeine in it, no herbs or vitamins, and sometimes upsets my stomach like coffee)
#4 SOBE NO FEAR (watered-down berry, not tasty like Sobe Adrenaline)
#5 ROCK STAR COLA (not bad as far as colas go but hardly delicious)
#6 ROCK STAR (unidentifiable flavor, definitely an acquired taste)
#7 DIET ROCK STAR (not much different tasting than the regular)
#8 RED BULL (tastes like carbonated cough syrup; an acquired taste)

WORST TASTING ENERGY DRINKS
(As always, check the can's label for "nutrition facts")
#1 DARK DOG (horrifying liquid chocolate, disgusting!)
(I'm not even sure they make this stuff anymore; it was imported from Austria)
#2 SUGAR-FREE RED BULL (tastes like a child's chemistry set)
#3 SHARK (I think they make this nasty stuff in Thailand)
#4 LIGHTNING (cloying, sickly sweet strawberry)
#5 WIRED/DIET WIRED (tastes like gritty, liquid chalk)
#6 MONSTER (Any Flavor, they all taste bad to me--like they might be healthy, LOL)

As with anything based on personal opinion, YMMV ("your mileage may vary"). A video editor friend of mine, for example, loves to drink MONSTER. If you know of any other energy drinks you think deserve to be added to my best or worst list above, post your thoughts here. Maybe I'll try them. But I tend to stick with Diet Rock Star because it comes in the 16 oz. size I like along with the vitamins and herbs that I want, it's sugar-free so I don't get fat, and (most importantly) I can get it for 75 cents a can (per case of 24) at Costco. It's normally $2-2.50 per can everywhere else!

You can usually find good deals on 16 oz. energy drinks ($1 each or less!) at Dollar Tree and other discount stores; however, these are rarely the "good" name brands. Another possble source for cheap energy drinks is in Asian markets... unfortunately, while often bargain-priced, most taste awful, have stupid names and come in weird sized cans.

UPDATE (9/30/08): I've cut out drinking energy drinks except in emergencies, LOL. Now I stick to 5-Hour Energy (no jittery crash, lasts a LOT longer than others) or Hi-Ball brand, which has no sugar at all (not even that sucralose fake sugar crap). As for energy the rest of the time, I changed my diet and now I have all the energy I need most days... and I sleep better, too!

P.S.: My lawyer said to tell you that I am not a nutritional therapist, medical doctor or anybody else who knows anything about any potential health risks of consuming energy drinks, particularly on a daily basis. I'm just giving you my personal experience as to which ones taste the best and worst and/or work for me. Always follow the warnings on the labels and consult your physician before use, yada-yada-yada. In other words, if you get sick or drop dead, that's your fault!

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2006-06-05T01:53:00.000-07:00

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THE TRAGIC LOT OF THE CREATIVE TYPE: Part 2

2006-06-04T23:53:00.000-07:00

Get a load outta this latest bullshit I suffered through tonight:

I'm talking to this guy I know (who shall remain nameless); he asks me what I'm up to and I tell him I'm writing a Zombie Novel called DEATHBREED. He starts ripping on it, rolling his eyes and cracking this stupid grin as if he's being very clever by tearing me down. He's never seen a zombie movie, never read a horror novel and yet he knows all about it!

I try to explain that it's not about zombies, it's about people and how they react to the fact that the world is ending. That answer seems intelligent enough to him, so he says, "Oh," and waits a couple seconds before switching tactics. I can see he's got another great avenue of attack thought up by the braindead look on his face. Sure enough, I'm right...

He asks me, "Why don't you write the DaVinci Code instead?"

I answer, "Because it's already been written."

He says, "Yeah, but you should write something like it; you know--a bestseller!"

At this point, I'm ready to punch him in the nose, but instead I patiently tell him, "Look; this is my first novel. The chances of it ever becoming a New York Times bestseller are pretty much zero. But it might do okay under the right circumstances, and it could open a few doors. The worst case scenario is that it's a learning experience for the next book; plus, it's something I've always wanted to do."

He thinks about this for a second, then comes back with, "Yeah, but have you ever read the DaVinci Code?"

After visualizing pounding this fucker's head into a brick wall until he spits teeth like sunflower seeds, I reply, "No..."

He says, "Well, you should. That's a real book! I bought it at Costco."

Okay... I'll make a note of it. Let's see: First, I should write a book that's already been written; second, I must "magically" make it a bestseller (maybe I could "magically" find enough money to buy up the entire print run or bribe somebody at the NY Times?); and third, I should make sure Costco sells it. Got it. That's good advice; he should start charging for it! LOL

You ever notice how people who don't know shit are the first ones to offer advice when they should just sit back, chill out and pour themselves a nice, tall glass of shut the fuck up? These know-it-all fucks will NEVER do a goddamn creative thing in their lives but somehow, they've gained the wisdom to advise me on how to write a "bestselling" book, or make a "blockbuster" film, or even how to wipe my ass the "right" way. Now, if Steven Spielberg or Stephen King wanted to call me up and give me free career advice, I'd be happy to listen, LOL, but this DaVinci dimwit? Forget it!

I'm just not going to talk to "normals" about my novel or anything else creative I do anymore. They're too fucking stupid to "get" it and too jealous to do anything but try to tear me down. No success is ever good enough for them; no job is a "real job" unless you're pushing a broom and taking orders from people you hate. It would be funny if it wasn't so painful, LOL.

Maybe you're wondering how this conversation I was having with the "font of all wisdom" ended. Well, after showing me a newspaper clipping and telling me I should buy an eBay store franchise like the lady in the article, he complained his TV wouldn't turn on. He asked me to fix his giant plasma screen so he can watch The West Wing, American Idol and ice skating contests (TMI, dude!). I check the remote's batteries, and find that they're okay. Next, I unplug his TV, then plug it into a different outlet. Poof! Fixed like magic.

He says, "Wow! Maybe you should be a TV repairman instead of a writer."

Hmm... Yeah, and maybe I should kick you in the nuts, jackass!

He's probably still sitting there, breathing out his mouth and watching people on TV try and make something out of themselves, wondering why his own life passed him by... LOL!

PS: I have nothing against Dan Brown or The DaVinci Code. I may even get around to reading it someday... after all the obnoxious hype wears off.

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 70,000k Check-Up

2006-06-04T04:19:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! 70,000 words on DEATHBREED and counting... I just wrote not only another super-scary zombie scene, but the hottest, wettest, dirtiest, most desperate "end of the world" sex scene ever! Maybe I should write a romance novel next, LOL. Okay, probably not, but this was some seriously steamy stuff that'd make any housewife blush. Damn it, that was hot! I gotta go take a cold shower... ;-)

MY READING LIST: June 2005 - May 2006

2006-06-03T22:38:00.000-07:00

I read a lot. You should, too. But what to read? I can't answer that, but I can tell you what I've been reading--and recommend. These are all the books I've read since June 2005... Not as many as I would have liked, but I did read 60 total in 2005 and 40 the year before.

ACTION/ADVENTURE
Frank Garrett (aka Dan Schmidt): KILLSQUAD #3: LETHAL ASSAULT
Don Pendleton's THE EXECUTIONER (various ghostwriters): #235 PLAGUE WIND, #56 ISLAND DEATHTRAP, #54 MOUNTAIN RAMPAGE, #49 DISCIPLES OF DOOM
* Richard Sapir & Warren Murphy: THE DESTROYER #3: CHINESE PUZZLE (reading now)

FANTASY
Jacqueline Carey: KUSHIEL'S DART
John C. Hocking: CONAN AND THE EMERALD LOTUS
Robert E. Howard: THE SAVAGE TALES OF SOLOMON KANE
George R. R. Martin: A GAME OF THRONES, A CLASH OF KINGS, A STORM OF SWORDS
John Maddox Roberts: CONAN THE BOLD
Karl Edward Wagner: DARK CRUSADE, DARKNESS WEAVES

HORROR
J.L. Bourne: DAY BY DAY ARMAGEDDON
Max Brooks: THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE
Charles M. Collins, editor: A WALK WITH THE BEAST
Briane Keene: THE RISING, CITY OF THE DEAD
David Wellington: MONSTER ISLAND

HISTORICAL FICTION
Bernard Cornwell: THE ARCHER'S TALE , VAGABOND , HERETIC
Michael Curtis Ford: THE LAST KING: Rome's Greatest Enemy

NOIR
Paul Cain: SEVEN SLAYERS
Elliott Chaze: BLACK WINGS HAS MY ANGEL
David Goodis: STREET OF NO RETURN, THE BLONDE ON THE STREET CORNER
Charles Williams: THE HOT SPOT
Jonathan Latimer: SOLOMON'S VINEYARD

ZOMBIE NOVEL: BEHIND THE SCENES

2006-06-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

After my last major push, I'm up to 65,000 words in my Zombie Novel, DEATHBREED. Holy Smokes! You might be asking yourself, what does 65,000 words look like? It all depends on the font, line breaks and type size. In "manuscript" form (12 pt. Courier, double-spaced) it equals 260 pages (that figure would be significantly cut down in final publication form). But remember, I'm not done yet. I would guess the finished product will be around 250-300 pages, especially if I end up going over my 90,000 word target number.

There are times when the novel writes itself and times where I stare at the page and get little to nothing done. If I can't get anything done on the novel directly, I like to spend the time affecting it indirectly by doing research. Brushing up on Strunk & White's ELEMENTS OF STYLE (available free online), or consulting wikis on subjects such as plague, riots, and martial law. I also like to keep abreast of what the competition is up to (both past and present) so I know what works and what doesn't in a zombie novel. After having read what I consider to be the major fictional works on zombies, I can breathe a sigh of relief and say that what I am doing is not what they are doing. Not that there aren't similarities dictated by the origins and nature of the genre, or shared influences and inspirations. In particular, I don't want to cast aspersions on what anyone else is doing, because I was most definitely entertained by reading their works. But as a first-time novelist, I want to tell a unique story and tell it in my own voice. I don't want to make a carbon copy of anything that has gone before.

How many different ways are there to tell the story of the Zombie Apocalypse? Aside from variations in the nature of the zombies themselves or the cause of the plague that created them, and how society responds to that threat, I would say that the single most important way to make your story unique is through your characters and how they react to the end of the world. If you look back on NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968 or 1990) and DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978), what made them work? Why do they stick with us for the rest of our lives and continue to draw new fans, decades later? It's not the gore, not the zombies... it's the characters.

Zombies are unlike most other monsters. They don't talk, don't plan, don't do anything except try to catch you, eat you, and make you one of them. This isn't Count Dracula or Freddy Krueger we're talking about. There is no complicated strategy, clever one-liners or anything else you'd attribute to a standard villain. It's like being attacked by a school of hungry piranha. If you know zombies are present and take reasonable precautions, you should survive. It's only when you get overconfident or freak out that you run into trouble. Unfortunately, you can only stay "sharp" so long, and everybody flips out sooner or later under the right conditions. The more people in your group, or the less well you get along or know each other, the faster bad things will happen. Are you running a democracy or a dictatorship? You probably don't have a lot of time to sit around and discuss a rapidly deteriorating situation, not if you want to live... Great, so now you have a plan! How much can you really trust anyone not to screw it up or fuck you over? Especially people you just met who are operating under impossible stress and in "do or die" circumstances? Can you count on your group to be reasonable, to follow orders? No.

The problem is that people are not, by nature, reasonable. They are selfish, greedy, stupid and self-destructive. Society imposes a certain level of reasonableness upon us via a system of legal consequences. Strip that threat away and you have chaos, anarchy. Might makes right, only the strong survive, etc. What would you do when confronted by the complete freedom to do whatever you wanted? Money is worthless, so you must steal to get what you need to survive. You probably don't give that a second thought. Your former friends, neighbors and loved ones are trying to eat you, so you start killing them. At first, you find it horrible, but you quickly get used to it if you want to live. Then let's say somebody in your group gets bitten, infected. Do you really want to keep them around? What if they die when nobody's looking and suddenly reanimate in your shelter? Do you kill them or leave them to die? Do you take the risk of keeping them with you?

Now let's say there's a total bastard (example: "Harry Cooper" from NOTLD) in your group. He constantly antagonizes you, hoards stuff you need for himself and selfishly puts the group in danger. He refuses, or only pretends to, listen to reason. What do you do? Do you throw him out, knowing it's a probable death sentence? What if he doesn't get eaten but comes back, maybe with more bastards like him, to kill you or burn down your shelter as revenge? Or maybe he becomes a zombie and by instinct, leads more zombies back to your shelter? Do you kill him outright? Remember, you can do anything now. There is no law except "Do What Thou Wilt." You have to think of your own survival and of those you care about. The old rules don't apply, and if you try to make them, some very bad things can happen to you in short order. Are you even willing or able to live in a world like that? Seeing how different people react to a rapidly devolving, crisis situation is at the heart of any good, apocalyptic story.

We should not rule out the zombie menace altogether; it's what brought our characters together. After all, what do zombies represent? Fear of our own mortality, of conformity, germs, and crowds; loss of identity, control, of everything that makes you "you." To quote Barbara (Patricia Tallman) in the 1990 remake of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, "We're them and they're us." That makes zombies a powerful symbol. I think that's why there are so many social commentaries "hidden" inside zombie movies. Some are deliberately inserted, while the most effective simply creep in all by themselves without the author even realizing it, as was the case with the 1968 NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (contrary to revisionist historians).

With all this in mind, I can get back to work on my novel. I think it's going to be a good one!

ZOMBIE NOVEL: 60,000 Words And Counting!

2006-05-30T02:30:00.000-07:00

Putting together the last custom video shoot cost me a few days progress on DEATHBREED, my Zombie Novel, but I'm back on the attack now, loaded up on aspirin (for my aching neck) and caffeine (to kickstart my brain). I'm up to 60,000 words, which is two-thirds of the way to my target goal of 90,000... Gonna get back to writing now while I'm still wired on Diet Rockstar, LOL. Wish me luck!

Christopher Lee Turns 84

2006-05-27T05:18:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to one of my favorite actors, Christopher Lee, who turns 84 today. Although perhaps best known for his role as Dracula in the 1957-72 Hammer film series, Lee has endeared himself to a whole new generation of fans as Saruman The White in The Lord of The Rings trilogy and as Count Dooku in the Star Wars prequels (where his commanding presence was one of the few redeeming features).

Lee's official website is here, and you can read his wikipedia entry here. Also of interest is this interview from the official Hammer Films site, where he discusses his famous role as Dracula and the problems he had behind the scenes.

ZOMBIE NOVEL: Status Report & Excerpt #2

2006-05-26T01:06:00.000-07:00

I'm at just over 57,000 words in my zombie novel, DEATHBREED, up 4,000 from last time. Yeah, yeah... I thought I would have been farther along, too, considering the two monster marathon writing sessions I put in since my last update. Lemme tell ya, I've really been surprised how writing "crunchy bits" (zombie pseudo-science/mythology) has blunted my blitzkrieg word count momentum. It's like suddenly switching gears and being forced to write in a completely different style versus the more colorful, character-driven narrative that dominates the book. I've made good headway, however, and am pleased to report that the majority of these obligatory "talking heads" news reports are not only behind me, but that I'm extremely proud of them and the amount of research and thought that went into crafting them. Through them (but without necessarily providing a concrete origin and rationale for their existence which, as everyone knows, is a no-no) I've successfully managed to put some fresh new twists on flesh-eating zombies while still giving diehard George Romero "Dead" fans (like me) what they want.

Here's a brief excerpt (minus spoilers) of what I'm talking about when I mean "crunchy bits":
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Bryan kept the radio on, the volume turned up so we could all hear the latest reports. These were dominated by eyewitness accounts, many from the air, as the streets of the major cities were considered to be unsafe or impassable due to roadblocks, fires or rioting. I sat behind the cash register on my plastic milk crates and listened...

“…The CDC has now confirmed reports of an unknown biological agent found in the blood of the attackers. The virus causes an extreme state of agitation in its victims, combined with increased adrenaline production and confused, criminal behavior. Despite impaired brain function, the infected are drawn to loud noises and display a single-minded ferocity in trying to kill or destroy the source of the sound, whether human, animal or machine. It is not yet known why the infected are drawn to such noises, but you can help protect yourself by remaining quiet and indoors.”

Oh, shit. Here we go, I thought.

“There are large numbers of infected moving through the streets of all major cities from coast to coast. These forces are rampaging and killing citizens despite the best efforts of the military and law enforcement. The situation is being exacerbated by a smaller, but no less dangerous, armed contingent of vigilantes and looters…”

Smaller? Yesterday, they were supposed to be the majority!

“If you see anyone acting in an erratic or suspicious manner, do not approach, even if their identities are known to you. Infected do not recognize family or friends and are incapable of communication. It is as if they are operating in a dazed or hypnotic trance-like state. They will attack and pursue all non-infected with single-minded determination. This pursuit can be kept up for miles or for however long they can maintain visual or auditory contact. Their only goal is to kill and devour non-infected individuals.”

“You got that right,” I smirked.

“Tests run by the CDC on infected individuals have conclusively demonstrated that the infected will ignore each other in most situations. There are two exceptions: 1) They have a limited ability to communicate with each other by way of a moan or wail; the infected also make this sound whenever they encounter, or think they have encountered, possible prey; and 2) Infected will fight each other but only to be the first to get at food, that is, non-infected individuals. Fortunately, they have only a limited ability to use tools. For example, they have been known to use bludgeons such as available sticks and stones if continually frustrated in efforts to get at victims with their hands. They appear to be operating on a very primitive, some might say prehistoric, level. The infected’s preferred method of attack is to grab hold of their victims and bring them in close for a bite…”

“You got that right, too!” I laughed.

“Those they do not kill, they infect through wounding. Exposure to the infected’s bodily fluids through open wounds, or through eyes, nose, mouth or, uh, sexual contact, are the only known methods of transmitting the virus. It is not, I repeat, not an airborne contagion and the nation’s water supply is safe to drink. Again, I urge you to avoid any contact with infected individuals and report their presence to law enforcement immediately. Unless absolutely necessary, you should remain in your home with all doors and windows locked. Avoid travel; many roads are jammed with cars attempting to flee the affected areas and roadblocks have been established to contain the virus to the major urban population centers. Stay tuned for the latest news. We’ll be back, right after these messages...”

A commercial for some crazy preacher came on, warning of the “End Times” and that Jesus would be here soon. “So come on down to the Christ Our Lord Christian Center’s Rapture Party, where you can be the first to greet our Lord and Savior in person!”

I wondered how many jackasses would get killed or infected trying to “come on down” for the Rapture. I was about to make a smart-ass remark about it when I heard the office window shatter...

"They're breaking in!" Bryan shouted, struggling to be heard over the rising chorus of moans that had seemed so far away a moment ago. When we thought we were safe.

Bodies fell through the breach, thudding on the cement floor. Rotten feet crunched on broken glass.

I chambered a fresh round into my shotgun. We were all going to die.

DEATHBREED Excerpt Copyright 2006 Todd Tjersland. All Rights Reserved.

Click here to read Excerpt #1

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Now I just need to find another 40-50,000 words or so to finish my novel, LOL. That'll be the end of June at this rate (fingers crossed for sooner). Then the lovely, painfully down-n-dirty job of the second draft begins...

You know, I've written screenplays and all kinds of stuff before, fiction and non-, but writing a novel--goddamn!--that is some serious shit. It's a huge commitment of time and energy; month after month pounding away at the keyboard, not even counting all the countless hours spent doing research and brainstorming... It's given me a whole new world of respect for those who do it, even if they suck. Well, not so much if they suck, LOL, but you know what I mean.

So would I do it again? Ask me when this book's done, but confidentially, right now, the answer is "YES!"

TO THE DEVIL... A Film Review

2006-05-26T00:39:00.000-07:00

Finally saw Hammer's final film, TO THE DEVIL... A DAUGHTER (1976) and, aside from the abrupt, incompetent ending, I'd say that this was one of their best films. I'd enjoyed their earlier Dennis Wheatley adaptation, THE DEVIL RIDES OUT (it's also an excellent book if you get the chance to pick it up), so I was really looking forward to this. The direction and cinematography were first-rate, even if the script did not follow Wheatley's novel. Watching a bloody, demonic "hand puppet" crawl inside Nastassja Kinski's vagina was a bit, er, unexpected in a Hammer film, but after watching a full-grown man birth himself out of one in XTRO, pretty much nothing shocks me anymore, LOL.

The Anchor Bay DVD features the trailer, photo/poster gallery and a lively 24 minute documentary on the making of the film (and the death knell of Hammer) with Christopher Lee and other cast and crew.

NERDS ON FILM!

2006-05-25T23:22:00.000-07:00

Check out the funny mockumentary shorts from Yng Turk Films! They're free to watch online.

"Fear of Girls" is about two nerdy losers who are more into playing Dungeons & Dragons than reality. Guys like these are the reason I avoid going to my friendly local gaming shop, LOL. This one time, I went in to see what new role-playing games had come in and all of a sudden this hideous, bucktoothed retard was at my shoulder lisping, "Will you DM me?" Fuck, no! Get a drool cup and get way from me, you disgusting loser. Goddamn... D&D is cool and all, but man! Considering some of the people it attracts, no wonder it gets a bad reputation, LOL. Put that in your +5 Pipe of Cloudkill and smoke it!

"Pitching Mother" is the story of a wanna-be movie director whose dreams are too big for his budget, so he pathetically tries to con his own mother into bankrolling his terrible movie. Hmm... This reminds me of a guy I used to know, LOL, who might or might not look and sound an awful lot like the wanna-be director in this film.

Kudos to YngTurk for coming up with some cool shit. The films are funny because they're true! Well, inspired by the truth, anyway, and that's always been close enough for me. The latest word is they're working on a new "Downloadable & Dangerous" edition of "Fear of Girls" so I can't wait for that.

FACES OF GORE: Weird Trivia

2006-05-24T22:21:00.000-07:00

Webster's Online Dictionary now uses a quote from my mondo movie FACES OF GORE as an example of "modern day usage" of the word "unwrap"... as in "Now the only thing his daughter has to unwrap is her father's bodybag!" and attributes the usage to me, LOL.

Okay, I'm as shocked as you are... It may not be the same thing as Beyonce inventing "bootylicious" but it's not too shabby. I'm still in the dictionary! Woohoo!

LORDI: Attack of the Rock-N-Roll Monster Men!

2006-05-24T04:06:00.000-07:00

Winners of the 2006 Eurovision Song Contest, metal monsters LORDI are Finland's thematic answer to GWAR. The band looks awesome and the metal they bring is surprisingly accessible to the mainstream. I expected them to sound a lot heavier looking like that, LOL, but am grateful I can actually understand the lyrics and not get a headache (much like their fellow Finns, symphonic metal band NIGHTWISH).

LORDI won the Eurovision contest with "Hard Rock Hallejuah". Their website has three music videos you can watch online: "Devil Is A Loser", "Would You Love A Monster Man?" and "Blood Red Sandman."

Signed with Sony, expect LORDI to bring the "Arockalypse" to America soon! Import CDs are available through Amazon.

WEIRD MENACE/PULP FICTION UPDATE

2006-05-23T18:12:00.000-07:00

There are now six comments posted to my Weird Menace blog entry in April. A reader wrote in and I've provided a lot of answers to his and other questions about the pulps, including their spiritual successors, the paperbacks. Amazon lists several books you can buy on the history of sleazy paperbacks and magazines which I mention in my replies... Take it sleazy!

Wicked-Vision.com Interview

2006-05-23T09:05:00.000-07:00

Für Fans von Todd, a big interview (in German) with me on Wicked-Vision.com. Includes lots of cool-ass photos!

Nein sprechen sie Deutsche? If you are "Germanically-challenged" like me, try cutting and pasting the interview into this free online German to English translator. It should result in some amusing broken English... Makes me sound like I'm being badly dubbed in a kung-fu movie, LOL.

MY ZOMBIE NOVEL: Past the halfway mark!

2006-05-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

Howdy, Horror Fans! Just a quick note to let you know I'm still banging away at my zombie novel, DEATHBREED; I got sidetracked for a week doing research on another "secret" novel project (and a custom video for a client), but I'm back at the keyboard now: Full steam ahead!

The zombie book is currently (as of this post) hovering at the 53,000 word mark, up from 47,000 where I left off when I got sidetracked. I can safely say I'm over halfway done with the first draft. 90,000 words is my target, but I'm not averse to it going as high as 100,000 if the story demands it; besides, that gives me more room to start making cuts in the second draft... I'm just now setting up several of the secondary cast of characters (cannon fodder, LOL) and chain of events as the Zombie Plague threatens to overwhelm the city.

Don't forget you can read an exciting excerpt from my book, DEATHBREED, online!

THE BABY: Drooling, Diaper-clad Terror!

2006-05-20T03:20:00.000-07:00

Saw a freaky old 70s movie called THE BABY this week (directed by Ted Post, the guy who did the "Dirty Harry" movie MAGNUM FORCE). A bunch of crazy incest bitches kept a 21 year old guy in diapers and used a cattleprod on him if he tried to talk, walk or do anything other than act like a drooling infant, LOL. I liked it; it was actually good (not "so bad it's good"). ;-)

The Geneon DVD was so bare-bones it didn't even have a freakin' menu, LOL. The actual print was very good, though. Too bad the movie was only rated PG (probably more like PG-13 by today's standards for the adult subject matter). Anyway, it's worth a rental if you're looking for something out of the ordinary, LOL.

NETFLIX SCREWS ME AGAIN!

2006-05-20T01:51:00.000-07:00

Goddamn, I hate Netflix! I'm one of the thousands (if not millions) of poor bastards the company "throttles" because I watch and return DVDs too quickly. I can't help it; I love movies and no other rental service beats their selection! Maybe you've heard about this "throttling" tactic on the news. Netflix supposedly offers "unlimited" rentals each month, but secretly penalizes customers for returning DVDs too quickly. This penalty includes several asshole strategies such as:

1) Failing to acknowlege receipt of the DVDs I returned on the day I know they received them (their distribution center is within 30 miles of me and I always drop off my DVDs inside the post office, not on the street);

2) Acknowledging receipt of my DVDs "on time" but then refusing to ship the next DVDs in my rental queue the same day like they are freakin' supposed to (usually by marking them as "shipping today" but then later changing the date to "shipping tomorrow");

3) Shipping DVDs from remote centers like New York, Texas or Florida so it takes 3-5 days to get to me (worse, the return envelope is addressed to the same cross-country location!); also note that they love to do this with series disks more than any other;

4) Skipping over series disks or deliberately shipping them out of order--the only thing worse than not getting a TV series is watching the episodes out of order;

5) Creating bogus "wait" times (that vary by customer based on rental habits, not availability) to prevent me from getting popular new releases for weeks or even months, but not limited to just new releases.

6) They start you off in your free trial period with excellent customer service, then once you start paying for it, said customer service becomes a crapshoot, eventually degrading to the point of ridiculously bad;

7) If you complain about bad service, they blame it (unfairly) on the US Post Office instead of their own deceptive shipping practices;

8) They make finding their contact information (to complain) practically impossible; it's not on their website!

So why do they do this? It's allegedly a profitability issue for the company; each disk costs Netflix seventy-eight cents to send each way. Look, I paid to receive "unlimited rentals" (based on how fast I could return DVDs) and not hit some bullshit artificial glass ceiling. In my opinion, if not outright fraud, it's deceptive. If they would just change the way the way they advertise (removing the "unlimited rentals" bullshit) and specify exactly how many rentals you can have in any given month, then that's fine. Just gimme good service for however many flippin' rentals that is instead of screwin' me over so I never know if I'm gonna have my goddamn movies on time! Raising prices is fine, too, so long as there's no more "throttling" and I get what I'm paying for.

How do they do this? Allegedly, returning your DVDs too quickly sets off some kind of "red flag" in their computer system to start targeting your account for "throttling", which will slow down the number of DVDs they ship you.

Here are some of the tricks I've tried (and the results) to get around the Netflix "throttling" crap:

TRICK #1: Upgrading membership (mine is currently set at 8 DVDs out at a time).

RESULT: While theoretically this helps mitigate "throttling" somewhat (since there are more DVDs constantly going back and forth), it just means you keep getting hit with more "throttling". For example: Today, Netflix refused to acknowledge having received four of the DVDs I returned yesterday; furthermore, they waited an extra day to acknowledge receipt of a movie they received Monday, May 15, then said my next DVD would ship Tuesday... but from the East Coast! It was supposed to be here Friday, but wasn't. Now I'll be lucky to have two movies to watch over the weekend when I should have had five! This is the worst case of "throttling" I've received yet!

TRICK #2: Create a subaccount.

RESULT: I read somewhere that doing this would "fool" Netflix into giving the new subaccount good service. That proved to be incorrect. I subdivided my rentals into five for my primary account and three for my subaccount. I then filled my subaccount's queue with series disks Netflix was constantly refusing to ship to my primary account. Netflix said all of the DVDs were available "now". However, around slot ten (after MIKE HAMMER, PRIVATE EYE and POLICE WOMAN), I had a few non-series new release disks. Netflix skipped over all but one of my series disks to get to the regular movies (they delayed shipment a day on the series disk then sent it from the East Coast). I did get both of the new releases, at least, with no "wait". Today, they failed to acknowledge receipt of one of the DVDs they received today, so bingo, that's one more movie I won't be watching over the weekend.

TRICK #3: Fill your queue full of old movies.

RESULT: This does seem to help a little, but they still "throttle" you, even on these. They do tend not to skip over them like series disks or new releases.

These are the three tricks I've tried (although one isn't so much a trick as a personal preference); you can see they all resulted in dismal failure.

Other ideas for tricks are:

1) Only returning one or two DVDs at a time (if they receive three or more on the same day from you it may target you for heavier "throttling"), but this means a daily trip to the post office when you have eight out at a time like me. Also, you might not see any visible effect for weeks depending on however long it takes for them to stop screwing with your account (meaning when they decide to stop red-flagging you as a heavy renter);

2) Limit your rental queue to just enough disks so they have to ship you what you want. This is not practical for me, as I have over 300 movies in my queue;

3) Cancel your account and apply for a new one. Then the "fun" starts all over again as you get good service for a few weeks, then bad again. This isn't a good long-term solution, especially if you have a lot of movies in your queue.

When I had a Blockbuster DVD Freedom Pass, I would rent three DVDs in-store at a time and would take out an average of 30-50 movies per month. Sometimes I'd go in two or three times per day to swap out movies, especially if one or more were shitty. I gave up renting in-store because they no longer had any movies I wanted to see after about a year, aside from the occassional new release (membership was not transferable from store to store). I thought Netflix was the solution but it obviously isn't working out to be all I hoped for. However, I hear that Blockbuster Online and similar services (Peerflix, etc.) are even worse! So, I'm stuck with the Devil I know, or else out of luck completely...

I really wish Netflix would take action to resolve their profitability issues without constantly resorting to all this deception.

THE TRAGIC LOT OF THE CREATIVE TYPE: A Rant

2006-05-17T15:55:00.000-07:00

Are you a "Creative" type? Don't expect any meaningful career support unless your Daddy is rich and prone to indulge you in your chosen profession. It's sad but true: The creative's friends and family are often worthless, if not damaging to his career. First, you have the cheerleaders who say anything you do, no matter how bad, is fantastic, then you have the dream-destroyers who think you should pursue something more practical, like being a doctor or a lawyer (as if we don't have enough of these parasites in our country already). Of course, 99% of their "advice" and comments are useless (if you can even get them to look at anything in the first place)... They quite simply don't know anything about what you do, whether it be writing, filmmaking, art, whatever. They pursue their painfully boring, uncreative little little lives without a care in the world, scratching their heads like good little chimps when presented with anything out of the ordinary. Underneath it all, whether they know it or not, they are jealous and spiteful. Why should you succeed and lead a life more interesting than their own? It's the "build them up, tear them down" celebrity tabloid mentality--only without the build-up, LOL.

When you do manage to achieve a measure of success and independence as I have done, whatever you've attained is never good enough for them. "Why can't you be like Stephen King?" or "Why don't you go see Steven Spielberg?" are two of the most painfully stupid questions I am asked most often. Then there's the classic line, "I can't believe anybody buys that crap you make!" LOL. But wait, there's more: what about the greedy, nagging wife who undermines everything you do that "threatens" her financial stability or takes time away from her and the kids? Millstones around your neck, I say! Whether you have all or only some of these diabolical dream-destroyers dragging you down, wait until you actually prove them wrong and strike it rich! Then watch them change their tune long enough to come begging for a hand-out: "We always knew you'd make it! Can I borrow $5,000?" Yeah, right. F*** you.

Everything I've done I've had to earn on my own, clawing my way to success, tooth and nail. The most recent example of dream-destroying in my life inspired today's rant... As regular readers of this blog know, I'm currently engaged in writing my first novel, a monumental (but hardly insurmountable) challenge. I told a certain someone in my family that I'd bought a bunch of books that shared the theme of my novel as research material so I could get a feel for what other writers were doing on the subject. This jackass couldn't understand why anyone would want to do that and has the nerve to ask me: "You're not copying these books, are you?" That's about as close as I've come to punching somebody in the face in quite awhile, LOL. It's the worst insult you can level at a writer because it doesn't just challenge what you're writing so much as your ability as a writer! These people don't listen, don't understand and I don't know why I ever expected them to, when they've given me nothing but grief on everything else I've ever done.

Yessir, the lot of the creative type is a lonely one! Unless you're one of the lucky ones, my advice is to never bother to share anything with the "normals" in your life, but if you do, don't expect any kind of support. Unless they are creative types themselves, they are utterly incapable of appreciating or understanding what you go through to do whatever it is that you love. They think books and movies just grow on trees, LOL. Surround yourself with fellow creatives and you'll have an easier time of it.

If you find yourself struggling to get things done on your project, remember that there are only 24 hours in a day, so pick one and get started! Keep hammering away at it every day, even if only for an hour or two. If you are unlucky enough to have one or more unsupportive "normals" sharing your space, lock them out of your room and demand they treat you as if you were "at the office" when the door is shut. Easier said than done, I know. Wives and children are notoriously persistent in not understanding that what you are doing is important and "real" work. They may even try to force you into negotiating for your "free time!" Put your foot down: No deals. "Get lost! I'm busy!" is the battle cry of the creative when beseiged by the forces of mediocrity. How else will you ever get anything done?

END RANT!

THE ICE HARVEST Film Review

2006-05-17T04:28:00.000-07:00

THE ICE HARVEST is an odd film. Advertised as a Christmas comedy, it is not (although it has a few chuckles scattered throughout). I didn't really know what to make of it at first, but it grew on me the farther into the movie I got. Eventually, I realized this was a neo-noir, and a highly effective one at that... It is a film that really makes you think. Naturally, all this was lost on the idiot BAD SANTA crowd the studio tried to lure in...

The story involves a Mob lawyer (John Cusack) and a porno shop owner (Billy Bob Thornton) who conspire to steal over two million dollars from the king of the Kansas underworld on Christmas Eve. Once they get the money, in true noir fashion, the plan starts to unravel, leading to one awful (sometimes comical) situation after another. Throw in the fact that the partners no longer trust each other, the lawyer has the hots for a strip club owner (Connie Nielson) and you'd have trouble enough. But the Mob Boss has sent a brutal thug (Mike Starr) to track the two first-time crooks down and this stirs the pot to boiling, culminating in several gruesome murders. There are lots of twists and turns to the plot; the characters are all shady, so you never really know who to trust or how it will end. Of course, once you realize it is a neo-noir, there is really only one way for it to end...

Be sure to watch the two alternate endings (included as special features) because the studio has put a "cop-out" (sort of) happy ending on the film that, while not bad, is neither true to the book nor to the noir genre. In alternate ending #2, Billy Bob asks John Cusack: "If you are what you do, and you never do anything, then what the f*** are you?" That sums up not only the essence of this movie but also the essence of life itself!

The Ice Harvest is also is a study of what it means to be a man today in America: how we are, each of us, utterly alone. How marriage and children and work are lies, illusions that fail to bring happiness and serve to drag men down. I've seen this happen to so many of my friends; they become spiritually homeless... They have attained the fabled "American dream" yet are miserable: married to stupid, greedy, cheating bitches; burdened with obnoxious, out-of-control kids; up to their eyeballs in debt and working useless, dead-end jobs. They wander through their meaningless lives like zombies, muttering "yes, dear..." and just waiting to die. It's pathetic! And you can't open their eyes once they've been closed, either. It's no wonder men have shorter lifespans, LOL...

It's rare that a movie makes me want to read the book (if I haven't already read it prior to watching), but The Ice Harvest succeeds admirably in this regard. The author's name is Scott Phillips and you can buy his novel here.

ZOMBIE NOVEL EXCERPT

2006-05-08T03:52:00.000-07:00

Hey, Horror Freaks! Here's a brief excerpt from my forthcoming zombie novel, DEATHBREED:

Harry, the Cascade Cab dispatcher, seemed intent on eating himself to death behind his cheap wooden desk. He kept his .38 wrapped in one meaty paw while the other dipped his French roll in a steaming tub of au jus. He wasn't taking any chances, not with the things he'd heard. Weird shit was going down all over the country: Reports of plague, mass-murder and cannibalism. Some kind of new mystery virus... Riots, looting, cities burning. Martial law wasn't far behind. The President was supposed to give a speech tonight; he was always giving a speech and the more he talked, the less he said. It was no wonder people were freaking out.

As for me--Hell!--I figured it was all bullshit: media scare tactics, propaganda, the politics of fear and oppression. Whatever. There was always some new threat on the horizon. Most of 'em weren't worth worrying about. Even if they were, what the fuck did I care? I worked at a convenience store. My life was hell; how could it get any worse? This is what I thought, anyway, as I sorted through the stack of magazines. It wasn't much of a selection and I said so. "This all you got?"

Harry shrugged around a mouthful of roast beef. Apparently, the topic didn't interest him.

Goddamn fat bastard; the only thing I bet interested him was where his next meal was coming from. Look at him sitting there in his loud Hawaiian shirt, so fat he can't even get outta that chair...

I'd walked down here after my shift ended at the Lucky Mart because something was wrong with the buses. Naturally, there hadn't been any cabs, either. That's just how my luck works. Harry claimed he was short-handed; there was some kinda bug goin' around, but some guys hadn't even bothered to call in sick. He'd just sent his only driver out to drop somebody off across town; as soon as the guy called in, I was next in line. Meanwhile, I had nothing to do except watch Harry stuff his face and read crummy magazines. The cover stories were all bullshit: celebrity nosejobs, mafia trials and our dependence on foreign oil. I flipped through 'em until I saw a recent National Report that caught my eye. The cover here had the cops arresting a black motorist: a grainy image of angry white men clubbing another poor bastard to death with nightsticks. The familiar caption (in big red letters) proclaimed:

CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

I had to laugh.

Harry raised one bushy Neanderthal brow at me and said, “What’s so fuckin’ funny?”

I held up the magazine cover.

He snorted as if it was the dumbest thing he’d ever seen. “The day we all get along is the day the world fucking ends!”

Harry scratched one of his tremendous man-boobs thoughtfully through his shirt. He leaned back in his creaky leather chair and said, “Look, kid. We’re the only animal what can’t get along with a goddamn thing on this crummy planet. You know what I mean?”

I nodded politely. Everyone loves a captive audience.

Harry kept right on talking. “Hell’s bells! If we ain’t killin’ each other over a dollar or a dame, we’re killin’ each other over race, politics, religion... An’ then, whenever we catch a break from killin’ each other, we start killin’ every other last goddamn thing in sight! Forests, animals, fish, whatever… Man’s an insatiable animal, kid. Our bellies are never full; we’re always hungry.”

With that, he seemed to run out of words. He picked his sandwich back up and tore off a chunk with his teeth. Whether or not this was supposed to emphasize his last point, I’ll never know. He kept staring at me, like he expected some kind of response. I had to admit, Harry had a point. I was about to tell him so when his radio crackled to life:

“—they’re all around the cab, trying to break in! Help! Call the cops!”

Harry dropped his sandwich and clicked the mic. “Who the fuck is this? Where’s my driver?”

“—dead! They got him, dragged him out the front seat! I don’t know what to—”

“Whaddya mean, he’s dead? Who is this? What're you doin’ in my cab?”

“—help! You gotta send somebody fast! The driver had the keys. I’m trapped!”

“What are you, drunk? Get the fuck out—”

“—locked the doors. Oh, God! They’re eating him! They’re ripping off his—”

“Now you listen to me, you motherfucker, if this is some kind of stupid goddamn prank, I’ll make you—”

The cab company window shattered. A pair of bloody arms covered in broken glass thrust themselves through the blinds and clawed at Harry’s face. The wind blew the stench of rotting flesh inside the tiny, one-room office.

The radio crackled with incoherent cursing and shrieks from whoever was trapped inside the cab: “—One of them’s got a rock! He’s using it to smash through the glass! Somebody help—”

Harry moved remarkably fast for a man I’d never seen stand up before; I guess he pushed off hard with his stumpy legs because his chair wheeled backwards like a rocket against the far wall. The hands continued to flail through the broken blinds, trying to grab hold of prey that was no longer there. A low, frustrated moan came from whoever the attacker was. It was then that I noticed a curious thing: the attacker’s arms, while badly cut by broken glass, were not bleeding! The blood on its arms was dry, probably at least an hour old, because it had turned that rusty-brown color blood does.

Harry recovered his wits enough to swear up a blue streak that would have put a sailor to shame. He shot his .38 three times through the window. The blinds obscured his aim, but I heard at least one of the bullets smack wetly into its target. The hands suddenly withdrew. The moaning continued unabated.

I could hear the soft, slow shuffle-crunch, shuffle-crunch of dragging feet on broken glass coming closer to the front door. It had a large glass panel in it with the cab company’s name and phone number stenciled in white. Harry was trying to tell me something but it came out garbled; I couldn't understand him. Nothing was making sense anymore. I tried to get to my feet.

Shuffle-crunch, shuffle-crunch…

“Lock the fucking door!” Harry screamed at me, clutching at his ruined cheek with his free hand. Blood poured freely from between sweaty, fat fingers. He still hadn’t gotten up from his chair (I wasn’t even sure that he could) but he had swiveled around enough so that his gun was covering the front door.

Shuffle-crunch, shuffle-crunch…

“Move it, asshole!”

I leapt up and sprinted to the door, fumbling with the lock. I had just barely got it clicked into the “locked” position when the attacker revealed himself for the absurd horror he was: a little old man wearing a French beret. His skin had a sickly, grayish pallor. Blue and purple veins stood out in stark contrast against the leathery flesh. His clothes were badly torn, as if a pack of wild dogs had been at him. As his head twitched to and fro, a hole in his neck bent and widened. I guessed that was where Harry had shot him a few moments before. He was covered in dried blood from head to toe and his arms and hands were dusted with tiny shards of broken glass. No blood seeped out from where the glass (or Harry’s bullet) had clearly penetrated the skin. His hands and mouth were plastered up against the door, leaving greasy, rust-colored smears on its surface. The maniac’s toothless, slobbering mouth worked spasmodically, trying to bite me through the glass. All this was terrible enough, but the eyes were the worst: gruesome, milky-white orbs, as if they’d dried up inside. Cataracts, maybe…

I suddenly recognized him from the Lucky Mart the other day; he’d bought some cigars and complained about our prices. There! The cigars were still in his shirt pocket. His dentures must have fallen out; I distinctly remembered him as having teeth the last time I saw him. It was worse now, knowing him. This was someone I'd seen everyday. Before the plague hit.

I jumped away from the old man's awful presence. His eyes rolled clumsily in their sockets, trying to track my movement. I flipped him the finger and instantly regretted it. I couldn't be sure whether it was the significance of the gesture or simply the movement that set him off. If he'd had trouble seeing me when I'd moved away from the door, he didn't seem to be having any now. He knew where we were and he wanted in!

The old man made a strangled, guttural war-cry from deep in his throat, ending as a gurgling hiss. He began pounding his fists against the door; first slowly, then with increased vigor. It didn't take him long to build up a rhythm. Glass that cheap wouldn’t last long; with each hammer-blow of his fists, the pane rattled and shook.

Harry told me to get the fuck out of the way… It took me several confused seconds to realize I was blocking his line of sight as he kept shouting obscenities at me. I sidestepped out of the field of fire and looked wildly around the room. There had to be an exit or we were dead! Only one avenue of escape presented itself: a door marked “restroom.” I took several steps back and pressed myself against it. My hand reached for the knob…

I’m not sure exactly what happened next. Either the old man broke through the door, or Harry lost his cool and started shooting. Maybe both happened at the same time. For me, everything became a blur of motion, dark and terrible:
The glass door shattered.

Harry started shooting.

The old man stumbled through the opening, moaning and gnashing his teeth. Bullets whizzed out the door, or hit the wall, or hit the old man. I wasn't sure how many went where; there were too many to count. The creep’s body jerked with each shot. While the bullets did slow him down for a second or two each, this only seemed to make him madder and more determined to get at Harry. It was as if the crazy bastard couldn't feel any pain, only the inconvenience and backward force of the impact… It didn't make any sense; the guy should be dead!

As if to punctuate my point, Harry's gun clicked on empty.

I whispered, “Oh, shit!” (or something to that effect).

The shuffling horror checked his dogged advance--right after I whispered whatever it was I said. He cocked his head and stared… not so much at me, as through me. A ropey, brown strand of saliva drooled out from between his cracked lips. What the hell was he waiting for?

Harry started calling the old man every name in the book. Or maybe he was yelling at me. I wasn’t paying attention.

Whoever (or whatever) was on the other end of the radio started clicking the “send” button. All that came over the line was alternating sounds of static and low moans. I guessed whoever had called for help was dead.

I held my breath and tried to become invisible; the creep was standing right in front of me, head cocked like he was having trouble deciding which one of us to attack first. Perhaps the sound of the radio confused him; his milky-white eyes regarded me stupidly, unblinking and evil.

Harry cursed, wheeling back to his desk; he opened a drawer, pulling out an ammo box. The madman's bluish lips peeled back, revealing raw, toothless gums. He hissed softly and wheeled back in Harry’s direction. I thought how ridiculous the old man looked in his fancy beret and suppressed a mad giggle...

Harry started reloading his gun. First one bullet, then another. He only made it to two before he ran out of time.

As if a lunatic had suddenly twisted a key in his back and wound him up, the horrible old man lurched forward: arms outstretched, hands curled into claws, every part of him questing for Harry’s death. Perhaps he was drawn by the sound or activity coming from that corner of the room (I doubted if I’d been able to turn myself invisible).

Harry shot once: the bullet came out the madman’s upper back and impacted the wall next to my head. The old man’s left shoulder twitched, but otherwise gave no indication he’d been hit at all. He started moaning, louder now with each awkward step.

I instinctively ducked (in case more bullets were coming).

Harry’s second shot took the bastard square in the chest. Dead center! It had no effect, but at least it didn’t come flying out the back like the first one did.

I briefly considered jumping on the maniac’s back to buy Harry more time to reload, but a second creep appeared in the door. He was a large black dude with a funny, square-shaped head; half his face was burned off and he was missing several teeth. One of his eyes ran down his cheek like tears of melted wax. The stench was almost as unbearable as the noises he made. Worse, I thought I could hear more moans rising in unison with him from down the street!

The old man reached Harry and grabbed ahold of his head. Harry let out a high-pitched, little girl scream and wet his pants as his face peeled off...

DEATHBREED Excerpt Copyright 2006 Todd Tjersland. All Rights Reserved.

Read Excerpt #2

**********

Well, what did you think? Pretty scary, huh? Feel free to post comments.

I intend to put up more excerpts (possibly the first several chapters free) as the book draws closer to completion. As of this post, I'm just past the halfway mark on the first draft (46,500 words and counting). Stay tuned!

ZOMBIE MOVIE DATABASE

2006-05-08T01:19:00.000-07:00

Be sure and visit the ZOMBIE MOVIE DATABASE for all things zombie!

HALFWAY TO ZOMBIE NOVEL COMPLETION

2006-05-07T09:43:00.000-07:00

By the way, I was up all night friday and saturday on a major push toward completing my zombie novel, DEATHBREED. I'm at the halfway mark: 45,000 words out of 90,000 projected for the first draft!

ANOTHER ZOMBIE NOVEL UPDATE

2006-05-06T03:51:00.000-07:00

Work continues on my new novel; 35,000 words and counting (10k since my last update). I'm nearly at the point where the characters become trapped by the zombie menace. Lots of good stuff going on with more to come!

You know, I'd always wanted to write a novel but kept putting it off, saying "I don't have the time." Well, one day I woke up and realized that there are exactly 24 hours in a day and if I wanted to write a novel (or anything else, for that matter), I just had to pick one of those hours and start writing, and keep on writing until it was done, day in, day out. That's about the best advice I can give any writer!

CALL OF CTHULHU: The Movie

2006-05-04T23:30:00.000-07:00

H.P. Lovecraft's classic 1920s novella, THE CALL OF CTHULHU, has finally become a movie, now out on DVD.

For those of you unfamiliar with Lovecraft or Cthulhu, Lovecraft is the twentieth centry's answer to Edgar Allen Poe. He wrote RE-ANIMATOR, FROM BEYOND and THE DUNWICH HORROR (among other short stories that have been adapted to the big screen). He invented the Cthulhu Mythos, which inspired countless other authors and filmmakers. The Mythos deals with sanity-destroying alien gods, crazed cultists, and ancient books of unspeakable evil like The Necronomicon. Cthulhu, a giant octopus-headed, bat-winged monstrosity, is one of these ancient alien gods, who sleeps in suspended animation in his city at the bottom of the sea, waiting until the "stars are right" to rise and reclaim dominion over the earth. The recent Stuart Gordon film, DAGON, based on Lovecraft's short story, The Shadow Over Innsmouth, deals with a Cthulhu cult and the inbred maniacs and fish monsters that worship him.

Check out CALL OF CTHULHU (done in the style of a 1920s silent film!) and watch the online trailers.

THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE AND YOU

2006-05-02T23:52:00.000-07:00

Here's an amusing zombie "civil defense" video you can watch online:
THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE AND YOU

WORST CASE SCENARIO: Nazi Zombies!

2006-05-01T04:45:00.000-07:00

Currently in production is WORST CASE SCENARIO, a new Dutch horror film about Nazi zombies coming back to finish what they started 60 years ago in World War II. I guarantee it will better than ZOMBIE LAKE or SHOCKWAVES, the old underwater Nazi zombie movies you may be familiar with.

As Eli Roth (director of HOSTEL and CABIN FEVER) says, this movie looks "F*cking Awesome!"

There are some amazing Quicktime promo spots online (click the link above, but be prepared for some lengthy download times even with a cable modem).

MOONLIGHT MOUNTAIN: Flesh-Eating German Zombies!

2006-05-01T00:40:00.000-07:00

Achtung! MOONLIGHT MOUNTAIN is a new zombie movie from German cult director Timo Rose (MUTATION); Timo promises me his film has flesh-eating gore, so check it out!

DAY BY DAY ARMAGEDDON: A Zombie Novel

2006-05-01T00:05:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm excited! I just discovered DAY BY DAY ARMAGEDDON by J.L. Bourne, a zombie novel that is a fast and fun read. It doesn't appear to deviate wildly from accepted Romero mythology as a lot of other zombie fiction does (such as MONSTER ISLAND). It's basically a US Naval Flight Officer's daily journal as the zombie plague unfolds, told matter-of-factly. It's really excellent. For a self-published book, it has remarkably few typos and the quality of the writing is just top-notch. This book will make you believe that what you are reading is REAL!!!

Free sample chapters online here; buy the book to read the rest. Amazon and B&N both carry it.

MY FAVORITE FILM NOIR: The Top 25

2006-04-30T03:31:00.000-07:00

I've got an Amazon list of my 25 favorite film noir and neo-noir up; nothin' but the best: 4 to 5 stars each (out of 5). Note that the Top 25 includes some multi-disk box sets; so really, we're talking around 35 films, LOL.

NASTY HORROR NOVELS

2006-04-29T13:04:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are interested, I've created an Amazon "Listmania" of the "Best Nasty Horror Novels" I've ever read... Yes; Shaun (SLUGS) Hutson made the list!

These are just the 1970s-80s paperbacks (including reissues) and don't include the old "Weird Menace" pulps mentioned in my previous post last weekend. So you won't find Frederick C. Davis' "The Mole-Men Want Your Eyes" on this list (that, and a novel apparently qualified as 25 pages back in the 1930s, at least as far as the pulps were concerned).